Hetalia Wars Episode 1
by RandomRebelGirl
Summary: When England tries to do a spell on France while drunk, things go wrong, obviously. France finds himself in the Star Wars universe...in a strange body. Soon the other nations start to join him. Involves bodyswap and crack. No pairings so far.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello people! I finally bothered to upload something! Alright, so, I didn't really want my first thing to be crack, but I worry more about serious things not being good. At least with stuff like this you don't have to worry so much about making it emotional or appropriate (well, you need to have a bit, but you don't need to worry so much) (something tells me I didn't word that right and just offended a bunch of people. Sorry! It might not be a good idea to write this at about midnight).**

**Anyway, I don't want to keep going on too long, so I'll start in a second. I think it's pretty obvious what I don't own, and you've seen these disclaimers in practically every other fan fiction on this site, so please don't sue me!**

**Here we go!**

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…

Wait, I'm not onto that part yet.

Well…um…

A little while ago in a country…um…close or far away? I don't know where you live.

Oh, forget it, I'm getting distracted.

It was a calm night in England. Most of the lights in the houses had been switched off, and on the quiet rural street the only light came from the few streetlights and from the moon and stars. Well, that was until one of the houses started glowing. I guess I'd better take you back a bit and tell you what happened.

A few minutes earlier

"Stupid France doing that stupid thing which made him look like a…like a…stupid!"

It was late at night, or early in the morning, whatever, it doesn't make a difference. It was…whatever time…when the very drunk personification of a certain country walked, or actually, more like fell, through his front door.

"I…I need to get revenge!"

Slowly, England managed to pull himself towards his basement, when a fairy appeared in his way.

"England, I know what you're going to do and I'm afraid I can't let you do it, at least not while you're drunk." The little fairy said. It was pretty difficult to take her seriously when she was so small and cute!

"You mean you aren't going to let me replace all of France's food with my own…much better food?" Really, who'd object to that? Excluding most of the world.

The fairy shook her head "No, I mean use magic to get—"The fairy realised her mistake. Never give a drunk person (or nation as the case may be) ideas.

"Forget I said anything, I said nothing about magic, LALALALALA I'M STILL NOT LETTING YOU IN THE BASEMENT!"

Magic, that was a good idea. Maybe…maybe he could use it to…to…to turn the frog into a frog! Yeah! That was a completely original idea! Hmm…creativity didn't really go with being drunk. Oh well, revenge was revenge, and the sooner it was done the better. Now England just had to get past the fairy…

"Piss off, you stupid fairy. You can't get in my way! I have a secret weapon!"

England smiled maliciously. He (just about) managed to stand up, spread his arms out, closed his eyes, opened his mouth, and then…

"I don't believe in fairies, I don't believe in fairies, I don't believe in fairies."

He opened one of his eyes. Nothing had happened.

"Um…I don't believe in fairies, I don't believe in fairies, I don't beli—"

"Nice try, but that doesn't really work."

"Maybe it will if I keep trying! I don't believe in fairies, I don't believe in fairies, I don't believe in fairies…"

About half an hour later, England was still chanting. The fairy had finally had enough.

"You done yet?"

"NEVER! I don't believe in fairies, I don't believe in fairies, I don't believe…"

"ENGLAND!"

Damn. Well, the fairy was small. If all else failed...

"Well…I want to go to the basement. What can you do to stop me?"

The fairy raised her wand, ready to attack…and England squashed her with his fist.

"Ha ha ha! Another victory for the mighty British Empire! This calls for a celebration!"

The celebration could wait though, nothing could stop him now.

By this stage, England could just about stand up, so, using the walls for support, he went to the basement slightly faster. Which still wasn't that fast in his still drunk state.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, on the floor back in the hallway, a fairy who seemed to be made partially of some kind of gum, was trying to unstick herself from the floor.<p>

"Dammit! Go on, do it then. When it all goes wrong again, don't expect me to give you any sympathy!"

**Alright, so it's kind of short, but the next chapter will be longer. Next time the magic happens. Really. Actual magic. The real excitement comes after that. See you next time!**

**Oh, and just before I go, this was written at around 11pm-3am, and was typed up at around the same time, so it's nowhere near the best I can do. Alright, that's all, goodbye!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Alright, chapter two. This is where the magic happens!**

**I don't own Hetalia blah blah, Star Wars blah blah. Let's just start.**

England had finally gotten to the basement. So far so good, he'd only fallen down the stairs once this time, a new drunk record!

"Now…I need a transformation spell. That will teach that bloody f—hey, I thought of a word other than stupid! This calls for yet another celebration!"

A second celebration! Maybe a third if he counted the stairs incident. Once the spell was done it would be four! The sooner this was done, the sooner England could get drunk. Again.

He looked down at the books on his bookshelf. There books on portals, magical creatures, emotions, sexual en—hey, transformations! Well, it was partially covered in dust but it definitely looked like transformations.

Not waiting even for a second, England opened the book and looked at the first page he came to.

"Step 1: Clearly think of a location."

It probably meant where his target was. If France had been following him, which he often did, he would probably be stuck the middle of some woods or forest or…whatever, where England had set a trap. Luckily a film studio had been nearby and he had stolen all he could. Why? Well…he was drunk, who knew why?

"Step 2: Clearly imagine the person this spell will affect."

Oh, he could do that. England closed his eyes, and clearly imagined him. His annoying attitude, his perverted nature…hmm…that was more his personality than his appearance, but the book didn't specify what part to imagine. It was probably fine.

"Step 3: Clear your mind and say these words. IMPORTANT: Your mind must stay as clear as possible during this stage."

After saying just a couple of these words, the fairy England was sure he's squashed earlier appeared in front of him, holding her glowing wand in front of her like a sword.

"I'm sorry, England, but I'm afraid I can't let you do this." She said. She was still small and cute and difficult to take seriously.

"It's too late; I've already started the spell."

"Well you don't have to finish it! What did France do to you anyway?"

England thought to himself. He had…no…he ha—no, that wasn't it either. France had…France had…Well, England couldn't remember what done to him, but that didn't matter, the frog had probably done something.

"It's too late, fairy!" Shouted England in an overly dramatic voice

"Lucy."

"Huh?"

"Lucy. My name, it's Lucy." Said…um…Lucy, apparently

"Well, um…it's too late, 'Lucy'! I've already started the spell, there's no going back now!"

Before the fairy…I mean Lucy, could say anything else, England continued chanting.

Not two words into the chant, Lucy struck out, using her glowing green wand like a sword. As she did it, it seemed to make a kind of "vrrmm" sound.

This time the fairy was pleading "Please don't do this! What if it goes wrong again? You don't want poor France to end up like Canada, do you?"

"Who the hell is Canada?"

"Exactly."

England carried on chanting.

Heh, that fairy was just trying to stop him from keeping a clear mind. Her and her stupid glowing wand, it was almost like a lightsaber. Hah hah! Oh, the spell's over.

The book started glowing. Slowly, the glow started spreading, up England's arm, through his whole body, to the floor he was standing on, through the entire room. It wasn't long until his entire house was engulfed in the strange glow. That's where this whole story started, remember?

Anyway, the house continued to glow for a couple of minutes and then, just as slowly as it spread, it stared to recede. Soon, all that was left was a barely noticeable glow from the book, and that too faded.

"Hah! In your face, you stupid fairy! My spell was a success!"

To say that the nation was happy would be an understatement. The fourth celebration could begin!

England pulled out the bottle of whiskey he had stolen from Scotland (who had stolen it from Ireland to "compare" it to his own whisky). It wasn't long until he was passed out on the floor.

The fairy had watched the whole thing, but didn't feel anything other than sadness.

"I…I told him my name, and he still called me a stupid fairy. Does he really care that little about me?"

The bottle was still about half full. Maybe she could drown her sorrows in what was left.

* * *

><p>It turned out France hadn't followed England home that night. He knew from experience that it was a bad idea to mess with that particular nation while either of them had had too much to drink.<p>

The second he'd heard England start to slur, he decided it would be best to go home and leave him in peace.

France's house began to glow, lighting up the quiet street. The glow seemed drawn to France's body, and soon the only glow came from France's body. Then the entire process seemed to reverse, the glow left his body and went back to the house. The glow faded and soon it looked as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

* * *

><p>"Dude, dude, wake up!"<p>

When England woke up the next morning, he really wished he hadn't. His head hurt, everything was too bright, he felt like throwing up and, worst of all, an annoying American was standing over him.

"Urgh, what are you doing here, you stupid git? Actually, what am I doing down here? What did I do last night?"

America looked down at England, slightly worried.

"You okay? You don't look so good." Maybe he wasn't so oblivious after all.

England managed a small nod. It only made his headache a _little_ worse. "Why are you here?"

"Oh yeah! Well, I was gonna go show Japan my awesome new videogame, but then I realised I'd taken France's bag home last night instead of mine!"

"Get to the point, America." Every noise made England's head hurt a little more.

"Well, I thought that if I had his bag, he must have mine, so I went over to get it-."

"And exactly what does that have to do with me?" If America didn't hurry up shut up, England was probably going to punch him in the face and make him shut up.

"Hey, calm down dude, I'm getting to that part! So I went to see him, and he was acting really weird! So I brought him here!" For some reason America looked really proud at that last part.

England facepalmed, which really didn't help his hangover.

Well, France was acting strange. His spell must have worked. He couldn't wait to go up and see him!

"Hey, America, before you go, did France…um…look any different?"

"Hmm…actually yes, yes he did!"

He did? His spell definitely wor—

"His hair was messy, like he was just out of bed. Wait, actually, he was just out of bed. "

America went to leave, when he spotted something.

"Hey, dude, why do you have a book called "Transportation Spells"? What kind of stupid name is that? Anyway, see ya!"

Transportation spells? But that meant…

"A-America, that means…Fra…you. You can read!"

At that point, England fainted, and it was America's turn to facepalm.

**Yeah, sorry about that ending, but I couldn't resist.**

**So, France is acting weird. What happened to him? Well, we'll find out next time, when we switch universes. See you next time!**


End file.
